Naruto's Solution
by DeanBeans13
Summary: Naruto's response to Kyuubi's mental note left towards the end of the war in my story "Kyuubi's dilemma". Mild cursing. Naruto being Naruto in a response to Kyuubi being...well Kyuubi. Slight spoiler if you're not up to date


Hello my readers and others trafficking my site and putting me on alert and generally being a wonderful group of wonderful people.

Here is Naruto's response to Kyuubi's mental note to Naruto after the war.

Sorry it took me forever, My professors are killing me with the "You have a quiz everyday. Be prepared."

And the "Beware the pop quiz"

and the " translate all of this difficult Japanse for the next class"

And my favorite "Huh I didn't tell you, oh well your 6 pg paper is do Friday. What? you don't have a prompt. Oh well I'll put it up on my page by Thursday night. Make sure to bring your apaer to class at 9:45 tomorrow morning."

That whole thing didn't actually happen, but he did tell us it was due Friday(without giving us the prompt) before correcting that heart stopping mistake only _after_ everyone passed out and or hyperventilated...

* * *

><p><strong>Naruto's Solution<strong>

What the fuck Kyuubi? Don't fuck with me! I know you're there. Is this your sick way of getting out of our discussion about your hatred you piece of shit overgrown FURBALL! What the fuck do you mean goodbye? Goodbye until you feel like coming out again? Fuck you Kyuubi. PIECE OF SHIT DEMON… FUCKER…GET OUT HERE…

…

Shit. I never liked silence. Silence reminds me too much of the empty home I return to or the times when I could see the hatred and disgust in other's stares. They wouldn't say anything to me, just stare. It was maddening…

I'm sorry for the rant, Kyuubi. I just never thought that you would be disappearing anytime soon. I was looking forward to actually talking to you and having a normal, well relatively normal, tenant in my consciousness. I was hoping we could've finally gotten over our differences and we'd be able to come to an agreement where we didn't hate each other's guts. We definitely could have been positive acquaintances, probably friends, maybe even bordering on family…or is that too far? I don't know. I was thinking family since you've been living in me since the get-go and you would be until I die (whenever that will be since you were probably going to make sure I survived the next millennia. Yeah I think family would be the best way to explain you.

Oh I was rambling. Sorry Sorry. Guess I'm just as talkative inside my head as I am out huh?

…

Right you can't answer. Well even though you can't hear me, I think some of the stuff you said needs to be addressed.

Okay first of all, don't you think the part about me being loud and bright was uncalled for. I mean really it's not my fault I'm loud and bright. I can't really change my hair and eye color, now can I? I mean I can but I won't. I like my looks and the loudness. I can't stand the silence you should know that and the best way to destroy silence is to create sound loud enough for others to scream back at me whether it be in annoyance or not. That and I just like being loud and annoying the hell out of the townspeople hehe.

Oh and fuck off about the dad thing. I didn't get to see any pictures of him and everyone who knew was supposed to keep quiet about it. I have no idea why. Maybe I could have had a better life if they did. The council and the townspeople probably just wanted a way to punish you without being attacked back, you know.

Next up on my smash list are your piece of shit examples of my supposed stupid actions (let's just destroy this theory while we are at it ne?).

First of all, _Sakura_, cause that's her name not "Pink thing", would have died by being crushed by that freaky hand thing of sand if we didn't help her so shut up. Besides the whole thing ended well don't you think? Gaara is now one of my closest friends thank you very much. Plus, now we are in an alliance with Suna because of our friendship. Not to mention Gaara became the Kazekage due to his change of heart and is now changing Suna for the better. You know they're a lot of positives coming from that situation so drop it you crybaby fox.

Secondly, Akatsuki was a pain in the ass, but we handled it. Though the incident with Pain is something that will not happen again. I can't believe I almost unleashed a mass of hatred and destruction right near Konoha. Oh boy was that close. Stop being a sore loser and good save dad!

Thirdly, don't talk about my teme that way shit head. I know he says he was trying to kill me. But if he really wanted to, he could have on many occasions. You and I both know those reasons he kept giving, like how it was a whim and what not, was bullshit. Also, he was being controlled by that curse seal thingy that creepy snakey Mr. O put on him in the Forest of Death. Anyway your example doesn't hold since I finally dragged his psychotic emo ass back to Konoha.

Now, Kakashi, Sakura and I are trying to get him released because of something along the lines of insanity and mental instability orchestrated by Danzou and exacerbated by Itachi that worsened when he was ensnared by the cursed seal placed by Orochimaru who used it for emotional and mental manipulation. Madara (fake Madara) then used Sasuke's already psychotic mind to use him as a marionette in his plans for world domination…

…Yeah I don't get it either but Kakashi said that it was a way to get Sasuke out so I just nodded my approval (that doesn't make me a dumbass furball).

…Holy Shit Kyuubi! Don't use foreplay as an analogy to our fights you dick! What the hell are you talking about I don't like the teme like that hahahahahhaaaaa…..

Fourthly, yeah I'm not really sure what Madara is trying to do myself. We did find out it wasn't Madara though and the whole thing threw me for a loop. I have to agree with you though; it is a bit round about. We found out after the war that he was going for the world domination thing…as if we haven't seen that before. So unoriginal. I beat him so you don't have to worry about that. He's been officially put down and will not be coming back. That fat lady has sung and she is sitting at home nursing her throat with ramen. Yum!

Let's see. What other bogus claims do I need to address? Oh yeah. Hell yeah I said that I would take away your hatred. It has got to suck not being able to see the finer things in life. I mean I know it would suck for me every time I looked at a sunset and only saw it as the death of the sun rather than a beautiful explosion of color, which is never the same each day. Yeah even I have times where I can be poetic.

Okay now for the more serious stuff. Umm…I don't know what I'm going to do with all that chakra. I mean fighting Madara (the real one) gave me a taste of what a person with that much chakra could do. It would definitely help me protect Konoha from any danger, but I think after this war most of the more pressing matters will be dealt with. Also if we are lucky, the temporary alliance can become a permanent thing, you know? And you're not as awesome as you think you are you narcissistic piece of red felt (That's what Tsunade called you).

Yeah, you did sound like a whiny girl on her period who has cramps and just got dumped (I added the extra since that's how you were _really_ acting), but I can understand why. I know you say you don't really care about anything and what not but you're obviously bitter about everyone treating you like you were a plague that needed to be contained and nullified.

Ha! I knew you cared about me. Trying to act like I didn't grow on you while you watched me and all that jazz. Thought you were so cool and slick huh? But I already saw through it sooo what now furball! Wait. Did you really call…me…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! Oh MY GOD I can't believe you called me cute! HAHAHHAAHHAHAH. Oh God you must be more messed in the head than I thought you were originally. Oh geez, I have mental tears leaking out of my mental eyes. I can just see it now. I'm sure you had an expression of constipation as you left that part in the mental note.

I can't believe you wanted me to pick up some cootie cleaner! Are you insane? There is no way I am ever going to clear this mushy moment when it has so such incriminating evidence putting down the terrifying facade! Oh you don't have to worry there is no way I believe that the Great Almighty Nine Tailed Fox Kyuubi formerly named Kurama has gotten soft at all. I mean I'm sure you're still so imposing in all your glory as you run in your field of flowers and rainbows with the unicorns. PPPFFTT.

Anyway now to address the goals you want me to accomplish

Check. Killed the motherfucker (both the real and the fake) and restored the bunnies and rainbows to their rightful place…(you sure you haven't gone soft what with you referencing rainbows and bunnies?)

Check. Human war over and we now have standing alliances with all the major nations and ninja villages.

Hah we both know I could never be a wimp now that I have your chakra in me and even before then. And come on! There is no way I would give the council another reason to prove some obscure point about me. I'll let you in on a little secret…Tsunade is already training me to be the next Hokage!

Check. Whopped that pale ass and dragged him in the gates of Konoha by the scruff of the neck (not really we both passed out from over chakra usage so we were both thrown over someone's shoulder like a sack of potatoes or so I've been told).

Oh hell. I have to make sure I use your powers right. I don't want to wake you early from your nap. You might kill me without mercy. Oh No! What am I to do? …(Note Sarcasm you piece of shit). Whatever Kyuubi. You know I 've gotten better with your chakra.

Wait. I have to address this ridiculous request in two parts, first starting with the accusation that I am a virgin. Um were you asleep for the two years I was training under Ero-sennin. I would think not since I grew four tails and attacked the old man. I know things that could make adult ninjas blush. Not to mention I was practically forced into actually trying them out thanks to the piece of shit that was my mentor. And then there was Kakashi as well. I'm pretty sure I could get a girl pregnant from my thoughts alone. (That was my bluff cause no way in hell am I getting some random girl pregnant)

Really Kurama? Really? Find a mate is on your list of things you need me to do? Then you have the nerve to say something is wrong with, once again it's Sakura-chan? Though you won't have to worry about that. She is more of a sister to me. Hinata…I have never seen her like that… As for wanting a male, you're probably going to flip if you didn't already figure it out but I like Sasuke, end of story. I guess I don't have to hear you gripe about that though.

Now that I have addressed everything that you wrote to me in your letter, I feel a little better. I still feel really _empty _though. There is too much space in my consciousness I'm not used to. Well I hope you are finally at peace and maybe we will see each other in the future at some point.

Bye Kurama my partner of the Leaf. It was nice having you with me when no one else was even if you were scary. See ya around…Fuck I hate silence.

* * *

><p>Sad I know but it couldn't be as funny as Kyuubi's unfortunately.<p>

Well sorry if I got any of you down but don't let that stop you from hitting the review button.

It helps me hide away from Kishimoto sensei as I still have the stolen Naruto in my possession (evil smirk)


End file.
